The Art of Saying No: Why Honest Feedback Matters More Than the Job Offer

The Art of Saying No: Why Honest Feedback Matters More Than the Job Offer

The Hardest Part of the Job

A couple of weeks ago we wrapped up another Managing Director search, and it got me thinking about one of the toughest parts of this job - delivering the "not this time" news to truly exceptional candidates.

The reality of our work is that in any given search process many talented professionals vie for a single position. Yet behind each resume and interview is someone who invested a lot of time, energy, and hopes in this opportunity.

Behind each resume and interview is someone who invested a lot of time, energy, and hopes in this opportunity.

The Power of Appreciation

What continues to touch me after all these years is how often candidates respond to disappointing news with genuine appreciation. Just a few days ago, after sharing difficult conversations with several incredibly talented candidates, I heard them say:

"...thank you for the way you engaged with me throughout the whole process..."

"...I appreciate your transparent feedback I can actually use..."

"...I felt valued, even when hearing I wasn't selected..."

"I felt valued, even when hearing I wasn't selected."

Doing It Right

This is why we try to do those conversations with a lot of appreciation, respect, honesty and empathy. We do not always succeed, but we do our best, and I apologize here if in some instances we failed to show the appropriate consideration.

The Long-Term Impact

I vividly remember one call that really stayed with me. A candidate I had to give particularly challenging feedback to many years ago reached out unexpectedly: "I have to tell you something," he said. "I really resented you for the feedback you gave me back then. But you were right - you told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. I worked on those exact areas, and now I managed to take on the role I had envisioned back then. Thank you."

Those moments remind me why honest feedback, delivered with care, matters so much and may transform a moment of disappointment into some valuable takeaways for the future.

 "I really resented you for the feedback you gave me back then. But you were right - you told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear."

Building Lasting Relationships

I've found the relationships built with candidates who didn't get selected sometimes last as long as or longer than those with the ones who did. The most meaningful compliment I've received isn't "thank you for finding me a job" but rather "thank you for seeing my value and being honest with me, even when I wasn't the final choice."

Every conversation in this process matters - whether it leads to a job offer or not. I'm grateful to all the candidates who share their journeys with me, and for the thoughtful responses that remind me why this work matters.

---

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

• Marion Heil is the founder and managing director of Board+CEO Advisors. She is based in Vienna.